Karkat Vantas (Human) ⭗ Monk of Calm (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
itsbraveanditburns) wrote2013-03-04 11:33 am
itsbraveanditburns) wrote2013-03-04 11:33 am
Desquidding AIM Log
biichama: /so shall we establish from the get go that theo probably got jane to get back because this was between him and karkat and it was Personal?
Inkwell: /yes
Inkwell: /he told her this in no uncertain terms
Inkwell: /and is now glaring at Karkat, still from a safe distance
biichama: /yes, karkat is also glaring back, dangling as he is from the freaky dragon sprite
biichama: /theo should probably say something soon or he'll get undistract enough to remember to use his Calm
Inkwell: I fail to see how overpowering your free will is helping you!
Inkwell: Nothing you've done since you let them in has been helpful to anyone but them.
Inkwell: You have been blinded by them
Inkwell: They are using you.
biichama: They AREN'T, you dickhead, they're trying to help us break the game, isn't that what you fucking WANTED? And you're a fine one to talk about overpowering people's fucking wills.
biichama: /but that little voice inside of him is saying the only thing we did was the ritual and people got hurt, maybe not by us, but by the others, we overheard it
Inkwell: I would NEVER force you to do anything you didn't want to do
Inkwell: I would NEVER abuse your loyalty to me
Inkwell: They're trying to break the game for their own gain
Inkwell: Their own reasons
Inkwell: Have they shared those reasons with you?
biichama: I know as much as any of us do! The game is broken, but people don't get that, so we have to break it further so it gets reset, like Signless said it needed to, he showed me ages ago, before they were even in my HEAD with me
biichama: You don't understand anything
biichama: You never understand anything
Inkwell: You know very well that wasn't Signless
Inkwell: You are trusting blindly in something you must know isn't trustworthy
Inkwell: You are being either PURPOSEFULLY STUPID
Inkwell: Or manipulated to a disgusting degree
Inkwell: Either way I won't allow it to continue
biichama: HE WAS AS MUCH SIGNLESS AS I'M ME
Inkwell: /it's clear he wants to step forward and is having a hard time stopping himself
Inkwell: AND YOU AREN'T YOU AT ALL
Inkwell: YOUR FATHER WOULDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU
biichama: /karkat has been thrashing like hell, infuriated, but at those words he stops stock still and stares directly at theo
biichama: /and then finally he screams
biichama: LIAR!!!
biichama: /but the little voice inside of him say he wouldn't
biichama: /theo's right
biichama: /he wouldn't
Inkwell: I would never lie to you
Inkwell: Not about something this important
biichama: /theo always tells us the truth, the little voice says, it may take a while for him to fess up, but he will and he did
biichama: /it occurs to karkat that the little voice arguing with him is always taking theo's side
Inkwell: You know I mean it
Inkwell: Please, Karkat
Inkwell: You know I'm right
biichama: /karkat doesn't say anything right away, he's arguing with himself, the gods in his head are pointing out that theo's just angry because karkat works for them now and isn't it more glorious, isn't there much more purpose in aiding the gods, won't he achieve much more doing their work than taking lab notes for a lost madman, he's just saying what he'll know will hurt karkat most
biichama: /that doesn't make it any less true, says the little voice, we aren't us anymore
biichama: /that's the whole POINT, the gods tell him, you hated being you, don't lie, you were sick and tired of being you
biichama: /you didn't even know who you were, they say, except that it hurt
biichama: /it did, that's how you found your way in, comes the response
Inkwell: KARKAT
Inkwell: Listen to me
Inkwell: Not to them
Inkwell: They're trying to confuse you even now, aren't they
Inkwell: To manipulate you into seeing things not as they are but how they want you to see them
Inkwell: Don't you DARE be stupid enough to listen to them
Inkwell: You're always pointing out flaws in my logic
Inkwell: Surely their logic has flaws
Inkwell: /if nothing else, he can appeal to karkat's naturally critical nature
biichama: /this is a very good move
biichama: /smart man, theo
Inkwell: DOESN'T IT?
Inkwell: /there's an implicit demand for an answer
biichama: /how does breaking something further fix it? if they took away everything that hurt us, then why aren't we happier about it? the answers come quickly and the horrorterrors hiss angrily
biichama: /karkat opens his mouth, shuts it, then whispers
biichama: yes
Inkwell: /oh thank god
Inkwell: /a breakthrough
biichama: /now the horrorterrors say, this has gone far enough, we need to stop him again, he's INTERFERING, grab the Calm, send it at him, the way we showed you, we'll boost your range for you
biichama: /but that other part of him, the part that just whispers says
biichama: /no
biichama: /not again
Inkwell: Force them out
Inkwell: You can
Inkwell: I know you can
Inkwell: /takes a step forward without thinking
biichama: DON'T
biichama: /karkat snaps at him
biichama: Don't, don't come near me, don't you dare come near me, dumbass, you know what I can do to you
Inkwell: But you WON'T
Inkwell: Because you won't listen to them
Inkwell: You will listen to ME because I am your MASTER and YOU ARE MY MINION
Inkwell: And all I want to do is keep you SAFE
biichama: /listen to us, they say, who are you going to listen to, the gods or a madman
biichama: /listen to him, says the small voice, he only wants to help
biichama: /you aren't his, you're ours, we understand you better than he ever did, we're in your MIND
biichama: /how can gods understand a mortal?
biichama: /you're better like this
biichama: /even if we are--if I am--that doesn't make us--me--happier
biichama: /you don't care about him, he hurt and betrayed you, you're well rid of him
biichama: /I hurt him first
biichama: /and if I don't care about him, then why am I wearing his stolen coat
biichama: /he rejected you
biichama: /he rejected YOU
Inkwell: KARKAT, PLEASE
biichama: SIR
biichama: /the word slips out, his cheeks flush
biichama: I'm trying, sir
Inkwell: /takes another step closer
Inkwell: Good
Inkwell: Try as hard as you possibly can
Inkwell: That's an ORDER
biichama: /and weirdly, that seems to help the small voice, the karkat voice, it's louder now
biichama: /You AREN'T helping, it says
biichama: /you don't understand our help, they say, your human mind can't comprehend it
biichama: /I don't CARE, he says, it doesn't help me in any way I can tell
biichama: /you don't understand, he says, you don't understand people, you don't understand ME
biichama: /we understand enough, they say, enough to know you don't want to be you and that's just who you'll be if we leave
Inkwell: Whatever you thought they could help you with
Inkwell: I'll listen
Inkwell: I'll help
Inkwell: I PROMISE
biichama: You'll leave me alone again
biichama: After how I hurt you, sir, how can you stand to look at me?
Inkwell: You didn't hurt me
Inkwell: You weren't YOU
Inkwell: The Horrorterrors were the ones that hurt me, just as they're hurting you, even if they're preventing you from noticing
Inkwell: /of course he'll still viscerally fear karkat, even if he logically knows what he's saying is true
Inkwell: /but saying that won't help his case
biichama: /he's afraid of you, they say, are you really going to listen to someone too scared to even go near you
biichama: /if he's too scared, then why does he keep walking closer?
Inkwell: /makes a snap decision on the off-chance that it's just crazy enough to work
Inkwell: /and closes the distance between him and karkat, motioning for Melancthon to drop him so that Theo can hug him tight
Inkwell: Let me help you
Inkwell: /is Sparking hard enough that is thrums right through Karkat's frame
biichama: /NOW, the gods say, DO IT NOW, and with him they reach for the Calm and--
biichama: NO
Inkwell: /thinks for an awful second that that's directed at him
biichama: NO STOP IT FUCK YOU GET OUT THIS IS MY HEAD I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP
Inkwell: /oh
Inkwell: /oh!
Inkwell: That's right
Inkwell: FIGHT
Inkwell: /squeezes tight
biichama: DON'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE, I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP ANYMORE, I CAN FIGURE MY OWN SHIT OUT, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP
biichama: I DON'T CARE IF IT HURTS I CAN LIVE WITH THE HURT LIFE FUCKING HURTS
biichama: I DON'T WORK FOR YOU, YOU AREN'T MY MASTER
biichama: I DON'T OWE YOU MY LOYALTY
biichama: I DON'T OWE YOU MY TRUST
biichama: AND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL
biichama: YOU AREN'T MY FRIENDS
biichama: NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE MY REAL FUCKING FRIEND IS TALKING
Inkwell: I'll help you, Karkat
Inkwell: I'll keep you safe, I promise I will
Inkwell: I don't know if I can make whatever is hurting you go away
Inkwell: But if you go back to being you at least I can TRY
Inkwell: You're still my brother
Inkwell: And still my Minion
biichama: /karkat doesn't say anything at first, just kind of slumps against theo
Inkwell: /holds him, cautiously stroking between his shoulder blades
Inkwell: /slowly the thrumming edges off
biichama: I don't hear them anymore, sir
biichama: /he says finally
biichama: They shut up
Inkwell: /lets out a breath
Inkwell: Thank goodness
Inkwell: Do you need
Inkwell: I mean, I imagine you're exhausted
Inkwell: /he's feeling a little worn-out himself
Inkwell: /and his voice is very slightly hoarse
biichama: Yes, Master
biichama: /he flushes when he says that, obviously embarrassed (because he did not mean to call Theo that, wtf?)
Inkwell: /looks a little embarrassed himself
Inkwell: I'm sorry I had to be so forceful
Inkwell: That should wear off, eventually
Inkwell: But it worked, which is the important thing
biichama: I know
biichama: /sighs and lays his head on Theo's shoulder
biichama: I always knew it could, sir
biichama: That was why
Inkwell: /shivers
Inkwell: Right
biichama: And because I knew it could they knew it could and
Inkwell: Shh
biichama: /quiets
Inkwell: Here
Inkwell: I'll set up the tent
Inkwell: We needn't stay here permanently but I at the very least need a nap
Inkwell: and I'm sure sleep will do you good too
Inkwell: /disentangles himself from Karkat and makes to set things up
biichama: Do you need help, sir?
Inkwell: Certainly
biichama: /helps set up the tent
Inkwell: /complete with blanket nest
biichama: /because that is how theopholous dumedd camps
biichama: /what are sleeping bags? not europan anyway
Inkwell: /fuck yes
Inkwell: /and they sleep and theo realizes just how dead tired that whole thing made him
biichama: /and he gets up from the nap later to check the memos and get kairi'd and probably talk to jane
biichama: /but karkat keeps on sleeping until probably the next morning
biichama: /and he dreams of squid :c
Inkwell: /yes :c
Inkwell: /at least he wakes up with someone safe
Inkwell: /and without them in his head as badly
biichama: /yeah, exactly
Inkwell: /yes
Inkwell: /he told her this in no uncertain terms
Inkwell: /and is now glaring at Karkat, still from a safe distance
biichama: /yes, karkat is also glaring back, dangling as he is from the freaky dragon sprite
biichama: /theo should probably say something soon or he'll get undistract enough to remember to use his Calm
Inkwell: I fail to see how overpowering your free will is helping you!
Inkwell: Nothing you've done since you let them in has been helpful to anyone but them.
Inkwell: You have been blinded by them
Inkwell: They are using you.
biichama: They AREN'T, you dickhead, they're trying to help us break the game, isn't that what you fucking WANTED? And you're a fine one to talk about overpowering people's fucking wills.
biichama: /but that little voice inside of him is saying the only thing we did was the ritual and people got hurt, maybe not by us, but by the others, we overheard it
Inkwell: I would NEVER force you to do anything you didn't want to do
Inkwell: I would NEVER abuse your loyalty to me
Inkwell: They're trying to break the game for their own gain
Inkwell: Their own reasons
Inkwell: Have they shared those reasons with you?
biichama: I know as much as any of us do! The game is broken, but people don't get that, so we have to break it further so it gets reset, like Signless said it needed to, he showed me ages ago, before they were even in my HEAD with me
biichama: You don't understand anything
biichama: You never understand anything
Inkwell: You know very well that wasn't Signless
Inkwell: You are trusting blindly in something you must know isn't trustworthy
Inkwell: You are being either PURPOSEFULLY STUPID
Inkwell: Or manipulated to a disgusting degree
Inkwell: Either way I won't allow it to continue
biichama: HE WAS AS MUCH SIGNLESS AS I'M ME
Inkwell: /it's clear he wants to step forward and is having a hard time stopping himself
Inkwell: AND YOU AREN'T YOU AT ALL
Inkwell: YOUR FATHER WOULDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU
biichama: /karkat has been thrashing like hell, infuriated, but at those words he stops stock still and stares directly at theo
biichama: /and then finally he screams
biichama: LIAR!!!
biichama: /but the little voice inside of him say he wouldn't
biichama: /theo's right
biichama: /he wouldn't
Inkwell: I would never lie to you
Inkwell: Not about something this important
biichama: /theo always tells us the truth, the little voice says, it may take a while for him to fess up, but he will and he did
biichama: /it occurs to karkat that the little voice arguing with him is always taking theo's side
Inkwell: You know I mean it
Inkwell: Please, Karkat
Inkwell: You know I'm right
biichama: /karkat doesn't say anything right away, he's arguing with himself, the gods in his head are pointing out that theo's just angry because karkat works for them now and isn't it more glorious, isn't there much more purpose in aiding the gods, won't he achieve much more doing their work than taking lab notes for a lost madman, he's just saying what he'll know will hurt karkat most
biichama: /that doesn't make it any less true, says the little voice, we aren't us anymore
biichama: /that's the whole POINT, the gods tell him, you hated being you, don't lie, you were sick and tired of being you
biichama: /you didn't even know who you were, they say, except that it hurt
biichama: /it did, that's how you found your way in, comes the response
Inkwell: KARKAT
Inkwell: Listen to me
Inkwell: Not to them
Inkwell: They're trying to confuse you even now, aren't they
Inkwell: To manipulate you into seeing things not as they are but how they want you to see them
Inkwell: Don't you DARE be stupid enough to listen to them
Inkwell: You're always pointing out flaws in my logic
Inkwell: Surely their logic has flaws
Inkwell: /if nothing else, he can appeal to karkat's naturally critical nature
biichama: /this is a very good move
biichama: /smart man, theo
Inkwell: DOESN'T IT?
Inkwell: /there's an implicit demand for an answer
biichama: /how does breaking something further fix it? if they took away everything that hurt us, then why aren't we happier about it? the answers come quickly and the horrorterrors hiss angrily
biichama: /karkat opens his mouth, shuts it, then whispers
biichama: yes
Inkwell: /oh thank god
Inkwell: /a breakthrough
biichama: /now the horrorterrors say, this has gone far enough, we need to stop him again, he's INTERFERING, grab the Calm, send it at him, the way we showed you, we'll boost your range for you
biichama: /but that other part of him, the part that just whispers says
biichama: /no
biichama: /not again
Inkwell: Force them out
Inkwell: You can
Inkwell: I know you can
Inkwell: /takes a step forward without thinking
biichama: DON'T
biichama: /karkat snaps at him
biichama: Don't, don't come near me, don't you dare come near me, dumbass, you know what I can do to you
Inkwell: But you WON'T
Inkwell: Because you won't listen to them
Inkwell: You will listen to ME because I am your MASTER and YOU ARE MY MINION
Inkwell: And all I want to do is keep you SAFE
biichama: /listen to us, they say, who are you going to listen to, the gods or a madman
biichama: /listen to him, says the small voice, he only wants to help
biichama: /you aren't his, you're ours, we understand you better than he ever did, we're in your MIND
biichama: /how can gods understand a mortal?
biichama: /you're better like this
biichama: /even if we are--if I am--that doesn't make us--me--happier
biichama: /you don't care about him, he hurt and betrayed you, you're well rid of him
biichama: /I hurt him first
biichama: /and if I don't care about him, then why am I wearing his stolen coat
biichama: /he rejected you
biichama: /he rejected YOU
Inkwell: KARKAT, PLEASE
biichama: SIR
biichama: /the word slips out, his cheeks flush
biichama: I'm trying, sir
Inkwell: /takes another step closer
Inkwell: Good
Inkwell: Try as hard as you possibly can
Inkwell: That's an ORDER
biichama: /and weirdly, that seems to help the small voice, the karkat voice, it's louder now
biichama: /You AREN'T helping, it says
biichama: /you don't understand our help, they say, your human mind can't comprehend it
biichama: /I don't CARE, he says, it doesn't help me in any way I can tell
biichama: /you don't understand, he says, you don't understand people, you don't understand ME
biichama: /we understand enough, they say, enough to know you don't want to be you and that's just who you'll be if we leave
Inkwell: Whatever you thought they could help you with
Inkwell: I'll listen
Inkwell: I'll help
Inkwell: I PROMISE
biichama: You'll leave me alone again
biichama: After how I hurt you, sir, how can you stand to look at me?
Inkwell: You didn't hurt me
Inkwell: You weren't YOU
Inkwell: The Horrorterrors were the ones that hurt me, just as they're hurting you, even if they're preventing you from noticing
Inkwell: /of course he'll still viscerally fear karkat, even if he logically knows what he's saying is true
Inkwell: /but saying that won't help his case
biichama: /he's afraid of you, they say, are you really going to listen to someone too scared to even go near you
biichama: /if he's too scared, then why does he keep walking closer?
Inkwell: /makes a snap decision on the off-chance that it's just crazy enough to work
Inkwell: /and closes the distance between him and karkat, motioning for Melancthon to drop him so that Theo can hug him tight
Inkwell: Let me help you
Inkwell: /is Sparking hard enough that is thrums right through Karkat's frame
biichama: /NOW, the gods say, DO IT NOW, and with him they reach for the Calm and--
biichama: NO
Inkwell: /thinks for an awful second that that's directed at him
biichama: NO STOP IT FUCK YOU GET OUT THIS IS MY HEAD I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP
Inkwell: /oh
Inkwell: /oh!
Inkwell: That's right
Inkwell: FIGHT
Inkwell: /squeezes tight
biichama: DON'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE, I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP ANYMORE, I CAN FIGURE MY OWN SHIT OUT, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP
biichama: I DON'T CARE IF IT HURTS I CAN LIVE WITH THE HURT LIFE FUCKING HURTS
biichama: I DON'T WORK FOR YOU, YOU AREN'T MY MASTER
biichama: I DON'T OWE YOU MY LOYALTY
biichama: I DON'T OWE YOU MY TRUST
biichama: AND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL
biichama: YOU AREN'T MY FRIENDS
biichama: NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE MY REAL FUCKING FRIEND IS TALKING
Inkwell: I'll help you, Karkat
Inkwell: I'll keep you safe, I promise I will
Inkwell: I don't know if I can make whatever is hurting you go away
Inkwell: But if you go back to being you at least I can TRY
Inkwell: You're still my brother
Inkwell: And still my Minion
biichama: /karkat doesn't say anything at first, just kind of slumps against theo
Inkwell: /holds him, cautiously stroking between his shoulder blades
Inkwell: /slowly the thrumming edges off
biichama: I don't hear them anymore, sir
biichama: /he says finally
biichama: They shut up
Inkwell: /lets out a breath
Inkwell: Thank goodness
Inkwell: Do you need
Inkwell: I mean, I imagine you're exhausted
Inkwell: /he's feeling a little worn-out himself
Inkwell: /and his voice is very slightly hoarse
biichama: Yes, Master
biichama: /he flushes when he says that, obviously embarrassed (because he did not mean to call Theo that, wtf?)
Inkwell: /looks a little embarrassed himself
Inkwell: I'm sorry I had to be so forceful
Inkwell: That should wear off, eventually
Inkwell: But it worked, which is the important thing
biichama: I know
biichama: /sighs and lays his head on Theo's shoulder
biichama: I always knew it could, sir
biichama: That was why
Inkwell: /shivers
Inkwell: Right
biichama: And because I knew it could they knew it could and
Inkwell: Shh
biichama: /quiets
Inkwell: Here
Inkwell: I'll set up the tent
Inkwell: We needn't stay here permanently but I at the very least need a nap
Inkwell: and I'm sure sleep will do you good too
Inkwell: /disentangles himself from Karkat and makes to set things up
biichama: Do you need help, sir?
Inkwell: Certainly
biichama: /helps set up the tent
Inkwell: /complete with blanket nest
biichama: /because that is how theopholous dumedd camps
biichama: /what are sleeping bags? not europan anyway
Inkwell: /fuck yes
Inkwell: /and they sleep and theo realizes just how dead tired that whole thing made him
biichama: /and he gets up from the nap later to check the memos and get kairi'd and probably talk to jane
biichama: /but karkat keeps on sleeping until probably the next morning
biichama: /and he dreams of squid :c
Inkwell: /yes :c
Inkwell: /at least he wakes up with someone safe
Inkwell: /and without them in his head as badly
biichama: /yeah, exactly